Am I reliving emotional pain from childhood?

Most people have some childhood pain (justified or not) to solve. But you obviously have more than most dear Amy - and no wonder. Kids need cuddles. Emotionally distant adults are usually damaged themselves without realizing it. So the damage and pain is perpetuated. But you are on your way. Taking charge enough to move away was the first step. Feeling the pain is the second. Now you need support to go through the rest, and emerge as a real adult, wiser and with more insight than most. A psychologist or psychiatrist could help best. But if you cannot afford that, there are usually counselors available from community services. Just try to avoid those who would use your need as a peg to hang their own need on - to convert others to their own comfort blanket of religion for instance. Or lovers who might use you to prop up their own personal uncertainties. Many local government bodies provide services - or your local General Practitioner could help. Good luck - and courage. At 32 you're hitting your prime.